The Human Side of Doctors

During Haley’s years of hospitalizations and visits to our pediatrician’s and other specialists’ offices, we met countless doctors in training. It took me years to understand the difference between a medical student, intern (finished med school but not yet licensed), resident (studying a particular specialization), and fellow (further training in a sub-specialty) for two reasons: no one took the time to explain, and I didn’t ask! It became easier to tell where they were in their medical training journeys based on their level of comfort with us, as they developed their bedside or clinic manner.

(Aside: I actually have a dream that all health care providers wear nametags with their name and their role. And just to make it fun, I’d love to see a fun fact on that name tag as well: where they’re from, their dog’s name, other languages they speak, their favourite sport, etc. - something that could serve as an ice breaker. That might sound like a pretty big name tag, but I’ve seen something similar work in Disneyland and it always feels friendly and welcoming! And this would not replace the necessary hospital issued tag that unfortunately typically hangs in an unreadable spot and in a too small font.)

One young man, who looked barely old enough to drive, entered our room nervously when Haley was on palliative care and asked if we had plans for the day. Haley replied that she hoped to go to the Beach shortly. His eyes grew wide as he thought we meant a real beach, at a lake (we do not live anywhere near an ocean), and we quickly explained that the Beach was our large, glass-ceilinged play area in the hospital. I gently suggested he could ask someone for a tour of the hospital to see all the amazing things that were available to patients and families!

Another medical student visited several times, and on his last day, pulled a small sheet of stickers from his pocket and said he wanted to give one to Haley, which was such a sweet gesture. Another described her aspirations to become a pediatrician like our beloved Dr. McGonigle, taking on the patients with the most complex or mysterious illnesses. Others connected by talking with Haley and me - just getting to know us and telling us a bit about themselves. Some had already developed a beautiful way of communicating with patients, others were still learning. We enjoyed our interactions with them and were patient with their often endless questions about Haley’s medical history, knowing that we were helping train future physicians.

We got to know the friendly and competent residents who did their stints in oncology during her final months of hospitalization – Erika, Kiran, Michael, Dana, Trevor, and Francois.  Francois was doing a neurology rotation, and Haley was on his list.  He would stop by occasionally to visit, and one such day happened to be a hot, sunny August afternoon.  When he arrived, Haley was enjoying a popsicle, which Francois remarked on enviously.  He seemed a bit tired, as I’m sure he was given his demanding schedule, and I suggested that everyone deserved a popsicle on a hot summer day.  I told him where to find them, in the patient family fridge, and encouraged him to help himself.  Not that I had the authority to be offering popsicles to people, but I was glad I did as he looked content and refreshed when he popped his head into our room a few minutes later enjoying his own popsicle. It was nice to have Francois visit, just for fun, just to say hello.

Not all residents were so personable. One in particular stands out to me, and Haley and I were never formally introduced to him.  We first saw him as a member of the small group during neurology rounds, and he then began visiting Haley on his own, every day, but never introduced himself.  He would enter the room and say “Hello” (we would respond), “How are you” (we would reply) and then “I’ll be back later.” And he would turn around and leave, not to be seen again until the next day.  It was bizarre, and I began to imitate him to make Haley groan and laugh, and I suggested that maybe, given his odd bedside manner, research would be a fine place for him upon graduation.

For me, an ability to connect, human to human, is imperative for physicians, and I think this is an important part of learning during medical training. I know that physicians are busy, but when they care about their patients enough to spend a few minutes getting to know them and finding out what matters to them, that goes a long way to developing a strong relationship of trust, both in the patient and their family members.