The Slow and Messy Process of Writing

I am currently in the midst of writing another book. I can’t honestly say whether portion of the way through the process I am, and perhaps ignorance is bliss. It is currently a collection of random and not so random thoughts about grief, specifically my grief after Haley died. I am at the stage of getting it all out of me and onto paper (or more accurately into a Word file) and attempting to organize it all.

Thoughts come to me at any time - in the middle of the night, while I’m driving, when I’m showering, when I’m not fully engaged in watching TV. And I think to myself “Oh, I have to include that!” I am so certain I will remember the thought or the sentence or phrase that has come to mind and reassure myself that I don’t need to write it down in that moment.

Note to self: I need to write it down. I tend to forget and then wrack my brain to try to get the thought or wording back. It doesn’t always work. And I need to write it down somewhere where I will remember it as I tend to jot incomplete thoughts on scraps of paper or in notebooks wherever I happen to be. I’m getting better and now try to use “Notes” on my cell phone. I still don’t always understand my notes.

And then I have to weave it into what I’ve already written and ensure that I haven’t already written it a different way. That happens quite frequently and I have to take what I feel is the best of each piece and create something coherent. I have so many things I want to include and am determining how best to put it all together. Writing takes a lot of thinking - and for this book, a ton of reflection and emotion. It is exhausting and it is work. But it feels purposeful which nudges me to continue.

It’s coming, and I know from my first book that it is a long, slow, messy, and rewarding process. I’m in awe of writers who turn out book after book. My approach is a bit less linear than theirs, I suspect, and perhaps it will improve as I continue to write. I have a plan, but it is loose and I want it all to unfold organically. So for now, I will take slow and messy and make it work for me. I know I’ll get there - I know the story of the tortoise and the hare. I just have to accept the slow mess and persevere. It will happen.