I Need Help

Throughout Haley’s lifetime, we were often in need of help. As medical crises arrived without warning, our family was suddenly in turmoil – a hospitalization meant that care was often needed for our other three kids, and meals, groceries, transportation, activities, appointments, work and life in general had to be somehow managed. With a child in the hospital, that was difficult to navigate on our own. We were fortunate to have family and friends who jumped in to help without being asked, and there were a few I could call on without feeling I was burdening them too much. But in general, asking for help was not a strength of mine, and it was something I reserved for those times when I had absolutely no other way around a situation myself.

I learned an important lesson on Haley’s first visit to her speech therapist after her stroke. She could barely get her words out and struggled to do so much while recovering from brain surgery and having one hand impaired by the stroke. She had begun to mumble, “Never mind” when we couldn’t understand her and was growing increasingly frustrated with all that she could no longer manage on her own.

At that first appointment, Haley struggled to get her words out. But Sharon wasn’t OK with Haley not being understood. She worked with Haley on one simple phrase, “I need help.”  She didn’t have to explain more than that, as it would often be evident what she needed help with, or she could communicate non-verbally with actions. Those three words became Haley’s empowerment – by indicating that she needed help, she was able to do what she wanted to do rather than giving up.  And what I observed whenever she said them was an immediate and willing response from the helper – I never saw any reluctance to help Haley. It made me think about how I had no problem helping people, in fact, I was often grateful to be asked for help, so it created a shift my thinking when it was my own turn to ask for help.  And don’t we all need help now and then?

I love the parable of the long spoons which beautifully illustrates the importance of helping and nurturing one another. And in doing so, we nurture ourselves…

One day a man said to God, “God, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.”

God showed the man two doors. Inside the first one, in the middle of the room, was a large round table with a large pot of stew. It smelled delicious and made the man’s mouth water, but the people sitting around the table were gaunt and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles, and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.

The man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. God said, “You have seen Hell.”

Behind the second door, the room appeared exactly the same. There was the large round table with the large pot of wonderful stew that made the man’s mouth water. The people had the same long-handled spoons, but they were well-nourished and healthy, laughing and talking.

The man said, “I don’t understand.”

God smiled. It is simple, he said, Love only requires one skill. These people learned early on to share and feed one another, while the greedy only think of themselves.

 (Author Unknown)

I still struggle to ask for help, but I try to remind myself not to be afraid to use those three little words: “I need help!”